Process minutes: 2021-09-15

Agenda:

(trying sending again, did not go through the first time)
9/15/21
Process Committee Mtg
7-8:30pm Zoom
Members: BeckyH, Jillian
Present: Becky H, Jillian, Syndallas, Catherine

Agenda:
1. Checkins
2. Skills and Thrills next steps
3. Task Review / Work season next steps
4. Next meeting

Minutes:

2. Skills and Thrills next steps

At the 9/1/21 community meeting we discussed some initial ideas; invited
those who want to elaborate on one or more ideas to come to tonight’s
process meeting. Minutes were sent out to “talk” from 9/1. On 9/1 there
were a few larger ideas and a few smaller or simpler ones; idea came up at
the 9/1 meeting that we could do a combo, and, a concern not to try to do
too much. Also concerns about balancing zoom with potential other kinds of
activities, while keeping in mind we also have concerns about doing events
in person still from some members. Community building is a big part of why
we do these events.

Syndallas and Catherine joined us tonight to discuss ideas around
anti-racism work for skills and thrills; still in idea stage, not a "plan"
as of yet.

Suggestion at the community meeting that we think of it as a skills and
thrills season. I really like that. Conversations about racism, its nice to
have some time to reflect. Like a week, not 20 minutes. To think about, why
did I react to something, etc. Also good to have in-person options and
other kinds of activities - eg drum circle, fire circle, dinner, and not
only zoom.

Nice to think about 3 or 4 events that could build off of each other but
also could work for people who could only do one. I think we need some
in-person options too. There will be people for whom its too unappealing to
do zoom, and some who are too concerned to do in person events and will
only do zoom.

I feel like we shouldn’t plan further until we talk to our community
members who are people of color. Am fine with discussing the format choices
etc. One of us reached out to someone and they had some suggestions, and,
some concerns about having training at all unless its part of a larger
picture of change.

I think to move forward we need to start being willing to have sloppy
conversations, not always easy conversations. Some of our high school
students do not invite their black friends over or even ask them to come
pick them up, because they're not sure how they’ll be treated so they do
not take the risk, they meet their friends down the street rather than at
GO. As a parent I don’t want this. I want to talk about it. It’s worse for
me to NOT ask that the community grow in this direction. Agreed it is a
long term thing, not just a training and then its done. When issues happen
we need to talk about them, need to be able to talk about them and have
some awareness about the issues.

When my black nephews were here I did not let them go out of our house by
themselves. Another neighbor last year did not want their black friend who
is the director of a nonprofit whose house and workplace didn’t have power,
work in the common house for a few days, too worried about what might come
up. We don’t have an acknowledgment of how much racism exists here. We
don’t have to wait for something to blow up to work on this.

I recently learned that racism is “stored” in the amygdala, the same part
of brain as fight or flight. That part of our brain learns from our loved
ones’ fear responses. Parent can say words, but that does not have the
impact - its how they act - if they are fearful and respond that way around
their children then that is what is then in the amygdala in the childrens’
brains. Part of why its so hard to talk about. Its a part of our brain that
is instinct not verbal. Need habituation to what you are fearful of to
change that auto response. You can’t talk yourself out of it, have to
habituate yourself out of it.

Part of the fear is white people being mean to each other. So its been nice
having the small discussion groups to make it safer to work on our stuff.
Easier to hear about and talk about mistakes now since I did have those
positive experiences in the small group. Small groups of us have been
working on doing our own work as white people, and this is a change, to
move it to a community level discussion. How to involve the thoughts of the
people of color.

How to get people to care? By helping people realize that our GO neighbors
have discomfort, that we do have a problem. Our living well with children
weekend that some of us were at - that was multiple long days of putting in
time and work - we listened to each other and wanted to learn how to
support each other - we put the time in because we care about each other
and we realized people were suffering and we want to be a community.

Invite some anonymous testimonials that span the three cohousing
communities, no individual being singled out. Could include years past,
previous residents, does not have to be current. If we can pull people into
the discussion while we’re not having a crisis about any particular
incident that’s good.

Book, called The Token: Common Sense Ideas for Increasing Diversity in Your
Organization. By a black queer women, Crystal Byrd Farmer. We could read
her book and she might be willing to facilitate a session. She offers
trainings through FIC.

Invite Alicia and Aaron Wilson-Ahlstrom, to be part of discussion if they
want to, as former neighbors?

Not one big thing but a series of things. Trying to engage the community
and bring them along in an ongoing conversation. The more I learn the more
deeply I learn how much it matters to keep doing this work. And the reason
nothing has blown up is because the people of color have chosen not to
pursue issues. And we find ways to avoid situations, are extra careful.

Idea from the 9/1 meeting - going to a BIPOC-owned business and getting
dinner takeout and hang out a bit outside, before daylight savings. Maybe
have a fishbowl conversation or some kind of structure to that evening, not
just grab yer food and go. Why we want to talk about racism more, what we
want from our neighbors, people who might speak to the problems. Reading
The Token might also make some of the connections without people having to
feel like their personal pain is being shared. An opening that is a meal
and bringing forward the problem as neighbors. Next step could be, who’s
willing to read this very short book that we’ll buy for everyone and then
we can have that conversation with the author, Crystal. I bet we could give
Crystal some questions that we want to talk about from reading the book.

Gather questions at community meetings during the fall, each community
meeting could ask. Could have a standing agenda item in to bring in
questions that have come up from reading The Token.

Using our own personal energy could hold small conversations.

Next steps?
- Catherine and Syndallas will speak to our resident people of color first
before we go further.
- Next meeting for skills and thrills next steps, 9/30/21 7pm, the
anti-racism discussion group already had a meeting scheduled then so we
will add on to that.

3. Process cmtee Task Review
Re-Task: Jillian to work on new blocking proposal with Mary King and run a
new draft by Process. Not had time to work on this yet. See previous
minutes for details.
DONE: Becky will email to check in on interest about process cmtee
DONE: Becky will check in with Andrew about 9/1
Re-TASK: Jillian will email facils about tri-cmty effort - continue?
DONE: Jillian will email facils about next season
DONE: Becky H will email CRC and check in, ask if they’d like to continue,
and if they’d like to meet with Process any time soon to share how things
are going for them.
DONE: Jillian will check in with Gail about agenda planning
DONE: Becky will check in with Nikki about BOA enterer
DONE: Both of us to do some googling about outdoor art project ideas -
something each household could make. We could buy supplies. Then a show and
tell and everyone put them in front yards. Would be nice to have ideas to
present at the Sept 20 meeting IF TIME.
DONE: Jillian will ask Patti and Sarah about Process google drive acct info.
TASK: Jillian to try out the process account google login Sarah found
TASK: Jillian will do the last few process preassignments.

4. Next Process meeting

Time: Oct 7, 2021 07:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)

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