Process minutes: 2012-02-13

Minutes:

Process meeting
2/13/2012
7-8:15pm, unit 18

Present: Susan, Becky H, Gail G, Jillian

Agenda:

1. Checkins
2. March 7 alternative meeting
3. Next meeting

2. March 7 alternative meeting

Request came in to Process that GO get a refresher about dealing with
conflict. Tossed around several ideas, based on Susan's extensive work
experience in this arena.

conflict managment style quiz - short quiz that helps you to
undertand, what is your main style of dealing with conflict -
mediator, reactor, pull back into a shell. And then you may have a
secondary style, we're not always the same in each situation. And
helps you learn about other styles too.

Everyone takes the quiz (10 minutes) and then match them up in groups
of same conflict management style, each group has the same scenario,
and they present back to the full group how they would proceed.     Each
group's task would be to propose a solution that would play to their
conflict management strengths. So the full group can see the different
styles of each of the subgroups.

This way we can talk about these styles without any one person or
issue or incident being on point.

Another idea is have everyone do the quiz, but a few people do it
ahead of time, know that they are each from a different "style"
category, and then do a fishbowl with those few, a live role play with
scripts for them each to choose among in their style of responding to
the incident in play.

I like the idea of the fishbowl, since that shows an exchange between
two people, that we can stop and talk about right then and discuss the
styles. If we can find people willing to do it.

There are many options -

a. The quiz to teach us the different kinds of natural conflict styles
that we each have.

b. Exercise called step in step out in a big circle. Series of
statements that people can respond to, if this applies to me you step
to the inside circle. Draws different people in and out of the inside
circle at different times. What surprised you about the people you
were standing in the center with. How did it feel to be inside?
Outside? Conflict styles may be different but your sense of being
heard, or silenced, or misunderstood, crosses all the boundaries.

What is it we really want to accomplish?     What is our goal? Raise
awareness a bit higher so people don't just react to eachother - see
beyond the "personal attack" feeling to realize no it wasn't meant
that way, that how I react to a situation is often in this way and
recognizing some of the other ways that others react - it is not meant
personally.

Most of the time no one is screaming at each other so does that mean
no conflict? No. You may have a room full of uncomfortable people but
no one is saying anything and no one calls it conflict. But I call it
dissonance conflict. Can't sit on it forever. It will pop out later in
ways you don't expect, taint future situations.

Raise awareness that conflict goes on all the time that is internal.
People who feel uncomfortable but don't dare say it. Worried about
being perceived as being rude or don't want to rock the boat.

Want to make it feel safer to raise issues, help people see past their
initial reaction to someone. Like the idea to talk about dissonance
conflict too. Both within ourselves and interpersonally.

In order for the community to function long term the members have to
surface the conflicts and work through them, to build trust and
connection. If you don't it do this, if the tension and conflicts
fester, it builds isolation, lack of trust, lack of connection, cracks
the heart of community.

What if we did the quiz first? And a brief explanation of the styles.
And in that explanation of the styles, we'd ask for some examples,
someone tell a personal story, short. Could be GO, work, family,
anything. Then we could do the step in step out.

Like that idea.

How to get people to come? Living in community means dealing with each
other, essential to learn how to cope well with conflict and to
understand how each other deals with conflct. What should we call the evening?
When loving your neighbor doesn't seem so easy any more - it may look
good on paper!
Conflict? Us?
Open your heart

Susan will look through her materials, and will run some ideas by colleagues.

Susan will send something out to talk tomorrow (valentine's day) if
possible - seems too good of timing to miss if we can do it.

Tues 2/28 at 7pm let's check in.

We'll plan to have chocolate at the meeting for sure.

3. Next meetings:
Tues 2/28, 7pm-ish, to go over the March 7 meeting
Tues, March 13, 6:45 to 8pm is our next regularly scheduled meeting